The Big Easy

I'm not talking Louisiana. I'm talking life. Remarked to my sister the other day that I had NO clue how much becoming a mom to one teeny tiny being could change so much of my life. Moms *get* it. I did not get it until I was given the mom shoes to wear. You know the ones, cracked heels and toenails that need a pedicure badly. I used to judge think to myself that those women looked undone. I mean, c'mon. How hard could it be to get yourself ready and actually do your hair? Fool with a CAPITAL f, was I. I didn't know any better, but shame on me still.

I think I am gaining a tad more experience and wisdom each day about perspective and priorities. And, besides It's not really good to wash my hair every day anyway, my curls like day 2 better. Showering is a daily must on my list. Teeth brushing, well on the days when I remember to do it (like 9/10 days) I call it good. Sleep is a luxury (can't say it's over-rated because I am not so far gone that I have forgotten what good sleep is like. Don't get me wrong, O sleeps through the night and I am wildly grateful, but part of her sleep time is my *get it done/time to myself/prayer* time. Again, priorities.)

I have been open to easy things. That sounds bad. Rephrase. I am open to finding easier ways of doing things, open to not trying to make an *event* of many things in my daily life, and keeping things simple. I hear the wise mommas who are on the road ahead of me say that this won't last forever. I will someday, have time again to tend to those cracked heels, keep up on the toenails and perhaps even sleep 24 hours if I so sweetly desire. I just have to hang in at least 18 or so more years . . .


McDonald's drive through, $1 unsweetened ice teas
leftovers on the nights that I work
one huge load of laundry instead of 2 small/medium loads
cute and comfy flip flops for summer
threw away my *25 hour* foundation and stopped stressing about the extra hour in a day it challenged me to
short prayers are still prayers
PBJ works just fine for lunch
standing up against a wall, with a tennis ball between us and rolling it around helps take knots out of my back

Just a few *easies*.

Some of the not-so-easy things these days-

Parenting. I am keenly aware of wanting to form my daughter well with character, faith and morals. In working this past week to teach her about obedience I am really seeing the strength and endurance it takes from a parent to impart these things to a creature who wants the complete opposite. Not that these creatures are evil in anyway, I just don't see them bursting forth from the womb with a desire to do what is right. I see that as our job to teach them. I am excited to be at this place with O. I pray for the grace to stay willing, to rely on God, and to remember the greater importance of these small lessons. As a teacher, I used to plan my years backward. I would look at where the students needed to be by the end of my year with them and then plot down on the calendar a rough sketch of what needed to be taught all the way to the fundamentals of how I ran my classroom in the very beginning. I see this with my parenting too. I want O to be a responsible, hard working, faith filled and loving person (other things too), and how I model those for her, teach her and provide her with experiences to enhance them will aid in getting her to adulthood and self sufficiency. God help me.

Figuring out my faith. I was raised in a faith. I love that faith. Something about it isn't working for me these days. Another journey, really? I'm a little tired from the ones of recent, wouldn't mind a breather.

Friendships. Someone shared on fb an article about older (uhuh, I am now in that crowd) people and friendships. The article commented that friendships get harder as we get older. Our focuses change. No longer are we consumed with social gatherings, phone conversations, etc. We are focused on our spouses and kids. Again, the priorities fit in here. I struggle though. I see some people having close friendships and it looks so easy from the outside. I have a ton of friends, it overwhelms my DH. I don't talk to them often, and I feel really out of touch. I miss the days of long ago, spending upwards of an hour on the phone with one just chatting away, sitting at lunch or going shopping and talking most of the time. I miss the *knowing* that happened in those close friendships. I really miss it.

I will share one final note about myself as we are coming upon one of my favorite seasons. BTS.
Butter the seeds?
Bat the socks?
Be the sucker?
nope.
Back to School!
I have a love affair with office supplies. My DH burst out laughing when I admitted this a few years ago. I could spend hours and more hours in just one office supply store and be completely almost fulfilled. I love post its, pens, paper, folders, calendars, stacky things, sticky things, pencils, mechanical pencils, notepads and more!

Denvah

I hear it in my mind as if a smokey-voiced tiny older woman from Boston is saying Denver.

It's on my mind. Ok, just outside of Denver, Centennial really, on my mind. My 14 mo. older sister and her family  moved there recently. O and I traveled there last week for a short vacay. Mom and dad were there also - mini family reunion minus my brother and other sister. It was nice, I forget the Lamy sense of humor when I am not around a lot of us often.Tis a beautiful thing. Though, I never feel original in it, I tend to feel like I am just imitating one sibling or another when I make a crack or witty statement. Felt real good to laugh a lot - the kids brought that on with their silliness and personalities, and O did her share as well.

Some of the biggest laughs were with O as she experienced bubbles for the first time. E, my nephew was a great and patient teacher and man, could he blow HUGE bubbles! A, my niece was pretty good at it too, getting creative with the different wands.

Then, we all got a good laugh at this next scene. My sister's new dryer wasn't working well . . . she thought they bought a lemon. Turns out, our "fix-it" father connected the swallows they kept seeing to the dryer vent and viola. This is the mess he cleaned out of there. Dryer works perfect. 

 O was chillin on the swing in her new floppy hat.












She, who was whining about her toes barely touching the water, soon found out how fun mud was to play with.

 3 of the 4 cousins and only one was throwing a fit when asked to stop playing in the mud for a picture. Guess who that was?






O had the time of her life in that little stream, in a matter of 30 minutes.

           This birdhouse brought me much joy every morning as I sipped my coffee on the back porch.

These two were almost inseparable during our stay there. 

This little guy was a master at picking raspberries, they grew right in their backyard.

 Ahhh, the 4 of them together with 3 1/2 smiles!

Most touching memory of the trip . . . 

walking into my nephew's room and finding this on his bed. 

When they moved to Colorado a few years back, I made each of them a pillow 

(bought pillows, printed out a message on iron on sheets and put them on the new pillow cover). 

All 3 of them still have the pillows and they are nicely worn!

The poem reads: Here is a hug from me to you, when you are sad or feeling blue, 

always know that I love you, 

love Auntie Paula.

hereinthisplacetoday

wishing. 
i am feeling a bit low/lazy/undone today. no capitals, i will preserve my energy.
every now and then one of these days comes up from the depths. i could sleep all day, cry a river, not speak a word or see another soul. in all of that i hear something profound. i am in need. a few brief moments that i have had to myself the last week to indulge in my latest addiction aside from popcorn, words with friends. i think i am up to 6 or 7 games going at the same time. i am a little insane. i feel like it is spurring some health back to my brain, feeling that it's less mushy with this "exercise" for it. i recognize that it is not enough. why do i feel such guilt to recognize this part of me? i'm catholic, i come from dysfunction, i am a mom . . . there are three reasons enough right there. i find myself even anxious this.very.moment. to type as fast as i can while my little one is napping, because when she wakes my "me" time is gone. it becomes "our time" which is nourishing to a different part of me.

i was having a hard time breathing this morning. not physically. the overcast outside was relevant to the overcast inside me today. i decided to not let it overrun me so we went to the park. o, me, and a bagful of popcorn. she ate it on the way there, shared a few morsels with the ducks (which never seem to look like the ducks in her books at home by the way), and ate more as we sat and enjoyed the fresh humid air. i feel a little better. 

wishing i was superwoman is hard to let go of. i don't know if a lot of women struggle with this or just a chosen few of us who come from "where" i come from. i have known women who just let things go, struggle not (at least that we outsiders see), and can just be. i seem to have a never-ending list of things to be done building in my mind. perhaps i wouldn't feel like such a defeated worker if i just chucked the list? from where does that ability come, i would like to know. someone challenged me this week to just attempt 5 things a day. she is not a wife or mom, she doesn't get it, in my opinion. to me, that would be 5 things in addition to: diaper changes, playtime, feeding times, redirecting/teaching, dishes, bathtime, etc. these are tasks that need to be done daily. extras would be, laundry, reading, exercise, errands, menu planning, etc. ahhhh, head is swirling already. i used to think i couldn't wait until i was in this part of my life. similar to a kid who can't wait to be 16 and driving i suppose. not that i don't absolutely love my dh and my kid, i do. guess i just feel a bit lost these days in my vocationS and running a business (i love that a lot too). sort of like the new m&m candies that are out with the pretzels inside. . . salty and sweet.

wishing these small tasks could just get done already . . .
transferring pics from camera to computer
organize pics on the computer
vacuum out the van
get rid of o's cups that are not spill-proof before i lose my mind over spilled drinks
file a stack of things that need to be filed
untangle 3 necklaces that have been conjoined for months now
take my sk---y clothes out of my closet . . .no, not skanky clothes, try again . . . ski--y
dust the baseboards (what? am i freakin crazy?)
pull weeds
plant flowers - wait, the cilantro never made it. i might need to rethink this and get silk plants
organize o's paperwork from when she was born up to now - yep i am that procrastinator these days
make the packing list for the soon approaching trip to see auntie trishy, uncle raul and the cousins next week
clean off the top of my dresser
put batteries in a number of toys and flameless candles that need them
research this paleo diet i keep reading/hearing about



tis raining outside. i mean really raining. i hear kids playing in it, and if o was awake we would be doing the same. i would like some of that freedom today, breaking away from the everyday rules and regs of needs/have to's. 
it feels good to hear it, smell it and watch it. i love nature. i used to love, in college, sitting out on the porch in ohio and watching the snow fall. it would get so quiet you could hear it. it looked like glitter coming down as it came through the street lights' illuminating power. it was magnificent to this cactus-grown girl. i didn't like it so much when it plastered the city, covered my car, and froze my locks though.

with as much about myself or the details of my life that i would like/wish to change, i have a lot to be grateful for. at the end of the day, i think that is a good place to be. 

perhaps a personal retreat is in order soon. perhaps a night out with some girlfriends, or a massage and pedicure? something, that's for sure. i heard, not too long ago, that it is better to give from our abundance than to give from our depletion. makes sense. 


cheeseburger pie for dinner, easy and might fulfill the desire to bake today

Like Sands Through the Hourglass . . .

I used to be an avid Days of Our Lives fan back in "the" day.

Super glad I no longer partake in those wildly bad acting-sex infused-shots of other people's drama.

I have been keenly aware lately of how fast the last two years have gone by. 

Noticing how our home has changed, our 2nd anniversary around the corner, 

the sizes of clothing that O now wears, and how her foot is almost the size of my hand 

(it used to be 1/4 it's size). A lot to be grateful for.

Haboob. 

Could a better word have been thought of for this? 

C'mon, really? 

I chuckle and feel a little dirty all at once saying it. 

Nevertheless, it's that time 'o year. Hot as Hates and dust.y! 

Amidst swimming lessons, work, everyday stuff, family, personal journeying . . . .

I stumbled across some precious things and was able to capture them. 

"Planet of the monkeys" have become a favorite toy of O's lately. I keep finding them in strange places all around the house, she loves hiding things. Have been searching for a new 2-pack of pacifiers that I bought a few weeks ago . . . she carried it off and it is nowhere to be found. 

O discovered these teeny cans of Pepsi, 

carried them around most of the day. 

She is rarely without a smile.

My new favorite place, Bounce U. 

O wasn't quite sure what to do in this tunnel, 

and the darn thing constantly moved. 

Especially when I kept trying to go in and help her. 

It was hopeless, comical but hopeless!

Oh the torture of being forced to play! 

On our walk home from the pool, we spied this tiny bird egg. Speckled and undamaged, it was breathtaking.

This $4 chair has brought O more joy than I ever imagined. Multiple times a day she is caught in there reading a story, 

aloud to herself. Also multiple times a day she tries to "tame" Paco with the chair as if she were a lion tamer for the circus. 

He doesn't so much enjoy that, but she sure laughs heartily!

Summer time means popsicles! 

Fruit juice + ice cube trays and craft sticks = deliciousness.

This blasted heat makes us all tired!

Kuhn-fesh-uhns of One Middle-Age Momma

I don't always come to a "complete" stop at all stop signs. 


I get anxious checking out at the grocery store.


I have a favorite grocery cashier and I seek him out when I shop. Not a crush, he is an older man - gentle and friendly.


I love reading magazines, and I do tear out pages with recipes I like.


Coupons make me giddy.


I sometimes create a shorter version of a story as I read it to O before bedtime, may even skip a page or two. I'm typically exhausted by then, and I'm glad she can't read yet.


Sometimes spot cleaning the tile floor with a Clorox wipe is good enough for me.


I love doing laundry, hate putting it away.


As I look around our house  . . . apparently I don't like putting a lot of things completely "away", I create bits of clutter.


Poor spoken grammar B.U.G.S. me.


I can never spell 'cinnamen/cinnoman/cinemin', or 'recieve' on my own!


I sing in the car.


I wish our dog was a cat some a lot of times.


I hit snooze at least 2 times every morning.


My a** is killing me. How does one have muscle issues in there anywhere? I do not do "freaky things" I promise. I barely exercise either. Perhaps that's it.


I am envious of pregnant women these days.


I feel better about myself when I am skinny. Who am I kidding . . . I have never "felt" skinny, don't think people who have always struggled with their weight ever "feel" otherwise.


My place of quiet is lovely (in my mind). An Adirondack chair, an amazing beach and a somewhat cloudy day with me, myself and I.


I ate a deep fried Snickers at the State Fair a few years ago. I still think about it once and a while. Yum.


I have 3 email accounts. One (my personal), has over 500 unread emails, another (for couponing) has over 1,000 and the other (for work) has almost 100. I keep up on the important ones.


I use quotey fingers at least once a day, sometimes 2 or 3.

Observe & Report

(metaphorically) Standing outside my life today, peering in. Listening. Soaking it in.

I hear the computer virus catcher program thingy beeping as it apparently finds bad things that need to be eliminated from our computer. I wish there could be an eliminator to catch the bad people who make those bad things.

(two for one) I hear the air conditioning on, and feel a slight breeze on my arm. Been a while since I shaved that forest so I can feel the hairs moving. Yes. I shave my arms.

I hear quiet in the rest of our home. 2 loves sleeping peacefully and no damn dogs barking at this minute. Our 80 lb furry child is sacked out too, on the carpet beside me. Not to be included with the aforementioned 2 loves - this creature gets  his own place in my heart, just not sure what place that is these days. I "love" him best after he has had a bath and he is not under my feet in the kitchen!

I hear the squeals of wakefulness from O's crib.

I see toys. Massive amount. Momma can't "get down" like she used to. I can see 40 coming quickly . . . and . . . my back is out of service for today. O has not learned the art of putting things away yet and I am okay with that. For today. Tomorrow may have a different story.

I see a man working hard to provide for his family. Comes home to us each day.
Eats his jicama/lemon/chile creation as if he were a kid eating candy, and rocks his guitars like no other I know. I love him.

I see a teeny lady. She is so gentle and precious sometimes, so dainty. The other sometimes, she is a hard player, full-on eater, and gettn jiggy with it dancer. Cracks. Me. Up. Love overflows for her.

I see a woman. Feels like some days I know parts of her and some days not, there are a ton of memories shared with her and some can't be remembered. She scurries, works, goes, does, is, cares. I pray for her.

I see a bachelor-pad turned home for a family. It is nice. Curtains hung, dinner table ready to share a meal (That is, when the mail/coupons/ads/O's toys are cleared away which is rarely).

I feel a sense of calm in the midst of every-day chaos life. Being out of commission with a painful back and doing a toxicity detox allows me a few different perspectives on what is truly important in the tiny world called my life. Fr. Juan reminded me about the importance of daily time with God. I will get back on that routine.

I feel a call to prayer for so many things, it could be a full time job. I am honored. Simply to lift people up to my Creator who I know has a great plan in mind for each item/person/situation I pray for.

I feel health around the corner. Much like I could hear O's voice telling me she was almost here when I was meditating as I pushed that 8lb 8oz-hairy creature of love out of my body over a year ago. It was a memorizing experience. So is this. Self care - if I could get a handle on you in my life we would be besties. I'm trying!

I feel joy when my husband teases me about how many people I know and can call friends. I think he is still overwhelmed by our wedding, and keeps learning of more friends as the days go by. Poor guy, can't keep 'em straight, I don't expect him too. I'm just gonna keep feeling blessed.

I feel a warm body and a plethora of silky hair cuddling up on my thigh as I write this. She munches on a pretzel stick, using her 5 frontal teeth to bite it. It makes me giggle inside to no end.

I taste a slight metal taste in my mouth. Yuck. The detox is working. Heavy metal toxicity is not fun. I never even liked that kind of music! baha ha ha ;)

I have no taste for a bunch of things right now. Meat - yuck. I do however still have a hankerin for a cuppa. 5 days left my dear friend!

Ok, I admit. I tasted cracked down on some movie popcorn today. Totally cheated on my detox. Aren't rules meant for breaking?

Made - Had - Am.

Mmmm. Sippin on a strawberry lemonade slushee, homemade thank you very much.
The batch with a dash of tequila in it is gone.
This one tastes almost as good.
O is sitting on the floor beside me, reading a story about Jesus to herself while brushing her hair with my hair pick.
I am stealing a few quiet minutes while DH naps before work, the dishwasher finishes it's cycle and the laundry is laundering.

Yesterday was Sunday. I slept in. Anxiety comes full force when I do this. I feel like I have missed out on "early" time to get things done when the house is quiet and I am "alone". Silly, really I wish I could just sleep in and enjoy it. I knew my body needed it so I indulged. Wish my mind was on the same page as my body. Once I got into some sort of routine for the day I started to feel more normal. I spent some real time with my step-son which was for me a great learning and practicing experience. Such a talented young man. Struggles like any other teenager, I am glad to be my age today, but has some unique ones as well. I pray for him. We talked about the journey of faith and I tried to share gently the importance of finding for ourselves what fits for us. Really coming into owning what we believe because it is our free choice to do so. Someday perhaps he will feel comfortable with his choices and they will be like gold to him instead of holding fear as they do today.

With a list of 999,999 things to do (just shy of a million) - business things, household things, personal things, mommy things, etc.etc.etc.- I chucked it all and gave myself permission to just do what came natural to me. I ended up cooking things most of the afternoon and it was glorious!


I made:

Strawberry pretzel salad  - recipe here
Porkchops - plain and simple, pan fried and cooked in the broth for about an hour.
Golden wedge potatoes - amounts depend on the size of your glass baking dish and how many you want to make. I generally use a potato per person. Peel and slice potatoes about 1/4 inch thick. Lay them in the baking dish half on top of the one before it, usually 3 rows is all I can get out of a 9x13 dish. Cover with melted butter, enough to wet them well. Sprinkle breadcrumbs over the tops of the potatoes and bake at 350 for about 45 minutes or until the taters are tender. Delish!
Carrots and peas - nothing to wow you here
Homemade croutons - 6 slices of bread (I used gluten free) cut into small squares, enough melted butter or olive oil to coat the pieces well, 1 tbsp ea. of garlic powder, dill, parsley flakes and a dash of salt. Could also add parmigiana cheese. Spread out on parchment paper, on a cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 15 minutes - toss and turn over and bake another 15 min. Let cool and then keep in an airtight container.

I continued into today. . .
Salsa - always ends up with whatever I have around for veggies, pulsed in the food processor, added with a good amount of salt. A dash of cumin also adds marvelous flavor!
Chicken Taquitos - recipe here - I only added the juice from the salsa to my chicken and I used Cacique Mexican cheese instead. I also fried them, shame on me.
Strawberry lemonade slushees - 1 cup lemon juice (6-7 lemons), 2-3 cups water or ice, 1 cup sugar, 2 cups of strawberries. Mix lemon juice and sugar in the blender. Add strawberries and mix. Add ice and tequila if you so desire, blend on highest setting to crush the ice.
A green salad with tons of yummies in it - no need to splain this one
Mexican Rice - 2 cloves of pressed garlic , 1/2 onion chopped small, chicken broth, small can of tomato sauce. Brown on medium heat the garlic, onion and rice. Once a nice golden brown, cover the rice with enough chicken broth that it floats really well. Pour the can of tomato sauce in, in a circular pattern. DO NOT stir this together (not sure why but every Mexican I know says this). Cover and simmer on low heat for 10- 15 min. Check to make sure the rice is plumping up and has plenty of broth left to soak up. You may need to add a little more broth - I have made this so many times, but have no idea how much I actually use). Keep it covered to cook for another 5 - 10 minutes or until plump and the broth is all soaked up. Salt to taste
Guacamole - just mashed it up, added a dash of lime juice and salt.
Mmmm Mmmmm good!



I had:

Two near death experiences this week -

 with customer service that is. 

Customer service is just about dead these days! 

One was at my least favorite but much needed store these days. 

Price matching. 

No ads needed, so they say. 

So said the clerk as he was checking the ads on a few prices I quoted.

 WTH! 

At least 10 people behind me in line by this point, 

because of course I put all my price matching items at the end of my stuff 

so I have time to actually get organized and spout out the prices from my notebook 

(that I ever-so-carefully write in the price and what store). 

The line kept growing. 

One item I must have written down the incorrect store, 

because when he asked me to find it in the ad I couldn't. 

Coulda been that I was so flustered by this point and my blood pressure was beginning to boil! 

I gave him an earful about him just having told me that we DIDN'T need the ads 

but that he was checking my prices? 

WTH? 

They were not outlandish prices, nor do I look like a person who is trying to get a $5 something for $0.01! That sounds so judgmental of me, truly I don't mean it that way at all. 

The last item he checked me on I, again, could not find it in the meat section of the ad 

but I distinctly remembered seeing these pork chops for $0.99 a pound. 

Of course when I got home, I checked my ad and sure as @#%t! 

they were advertised on the back page, not in the meat section.

 I was more than angry, and had I enough calmness, 

I would have returned to the store with my ad to prove that little punk wrong. 

I think what angered me most was his complete lack of respect, 

behaving as if I was some sort of thief with my "ad prices".

 It was in the way he spoke to me and displayed the ads with an attitude 

for me to then find the items for him. 

At one point he remarked that his manager was right over there if I wanted to speak with her. 

Had there not been the 10 -15 people in line behind me, 

who were hissing and huffing by now, 

and if I could have caught my breath 

I just might have spoken to that there manager. 

You can bet that next week 

I will have my ads ready to go if they pull that again. 

Or perhaps, I might just choose to forget about this crappy store all together!

I am:

Currently hearing something that sounds like water dripping. Can't figure out where it is coming from.

Waiting for laundry to finish so I can put the last load in the dryer and head.to.bed!

Filled with greatness and gratitude for time with friends and family this weekend - and not too mention, a few extra hours with my DH!

Committed to prayer on some pretty important things.

Becoming more intentional to be more conscious in my life. Sounds funny. It isn't.

Soooo grateful for the presence of God in my life, in my business and in my family.

Sad for some things going on with some people I love dearly. Praying, I am.

Hoping to be done with some thank you cards soon, have been workin on them for almost a week. Yikes.

Having mixed feelings about some "me" time tomorrow - 2 hours. Excited, anxious, expecting. Pray, I will.

Pretty proud of myself.

In love with my Mary Kay skin care and Lash Love mascara! You rock Char!

Soooooooooooooooooooooo wanting to garden. Cilantro seeds haven't sprouted yet . . . been a few days.

Not sure if I am made for gardening - did I kill the cilantro already?

Seeing this beautiful image of Jesus blessing his disciples before he Ascended (our church calendar), I feel peace. That's a great image to fall asleep with!

Good Night.